why must I always ruin everything doesn't matter what I do or how I do it I always ruin something it feels like im just a bad luck charm or something to ruin peoples days what is wrong with me why am I like this I hate it I wish I could just disappear and make everyone happy because there wont be anyone to ruin anyones day no matter how hard I try I either miss speak or don't hear properly which ruins something I hate myself I hate my voice I hate my ears why cant I just be normal everyone can be having fun ill say something after not hearing or understanding properly or just something and all of a sudden no one is having fun I feel so shit I could throw up and just die somewhere in a hole and no one would look for me everyone would just have a better time it really shows how much of shit person I am I just wanna disappear and be gone all I ever want to do is make people laugh or make them happy but I end up not being able to do that or even anything i just wanna be normal