when i was 17, my mom passed away from pancreatic cancer. it was something traumatic for my siblings and i to see, especially because she died right in front of us. i’m now 21 and the grief has not gone away—i don’t even know when exactly it started. at her viewing, i didn’t cry. i couldn’t and i don’t know why. i was really sad that i no longer had a mom, but the tears would not come out. when we finally buried her, i cried a little but i stopped. i think a part of me was still in denial about her being dead because it didn’t feel real, it felt as if she was still in the hospital. my dad tried his best with us, he wasn’t the best dad in the world but he did change, and that’s why it hurts even more because we almost lost him too. it’s been 5 months since he suffered a heart attack while working. I just feel so stuck in life, and the fact that i can’t go to my parents for support breaks my heart.