i wish i had a different name and a different face. i wish i understood why it hurts me so bad to see her lust for women. lust for me. lust for ME. why do you even keep doing these things with me if its not even fun for you. if men are so ugly and youre not even having fun why did you let me stay a fool for hours upon hours. trying to entertain you no wonder it felt like you werent even into it. you wanted to look at women instead. sorry theyre not good enough for you. sorry im not good enough for you. maybe if i wore more crop tops and bikinis youd like me more. god what did i expect. she tells me she likes it and she likes it YEAH of course but what does that say about the real me. she doesnt even like it. its all lukewarm. im boring. im washed. im a fuckup and im disgusting. a pig, the face of a man the body of a man. i should have left forever ago. shes better off with a woman i dont know why she keeps toying around with me. im not that. i can never be that. i will never be that