I’m 19 and had an emotionally abusive and controlling mom and i just moved out recently with my girlfriend, that’s already been a lot on me and how i feel about myself. As a kid I used to think of extremely graphic ways of harming myself and I had that same feeling today, as a kid i would h-ng myself right until the point where I could feel me losing consciousness, then i’d get down and just sit there. Today I was getting that feeling again where I need to do it, I haven’t harmed myself in years and today I did, I cut myself which is the first time i’ve ever done that, I don’t feel good about it but I don’t feel as sad or like I need to run away. When the tip of the blade made its way off my arm I got this huge sense of relief, that scares me more than anything. I want to do it again.