how many months has it been? you still believe that i am the way i portray myself as. everyone thinks that. you might never see this, but i want you to know that i loved you. i loved you so much. it's just that, it's cruel, you know. the world is cruel. if only i had been a man, maybe we would last longer than this. i was bound to break it. i'm sorry. the guilt is eating me. my personal life is eating me. everyone else is eating my mind. i'm tired. i want rest. i thought maybe online dating and faking my own life would make it all better for me. i was selfish and it all came back to me all over again. i hope in our next lifetime, you and i can be together without hindrance from this world. maybe in another world, we are meant to be. thank you for being with me even just for the shortest period of my life. i will be taking my life on October 23, 2026. By then, i'll probably be gone from your mind, from anyone else's mind. i'll figure it out myself. i loved you. from today and the next.