im trans, FTM, and i have an amazing bf. but hes suicidal. he nearly killed himself last night. i keep SH im about 4 days clean? i have promises with about 5 people but i've been taking random pills from my medicine cabinet. i want a future but i wanna die and idk how to take it anymore. obviously i wont kms but theres always an urge isnt there? im only young. teen to be precise. but i dont know what to do. ignore my egregious grammar, im on a laptop and i am way too lazy.