I wish I choose another course instead. Or idk I never plan on what I would do in the future I don't have interest on anything everything just felt so numb or uninteresting. I once love to draw but over the years i forgot how to be that my skills didn't grow. My grades are either good, average or less than average idk how I manage to be a department honor, with honor, or special mention. Id like to think I'm better than them but the truth is I'm worse than them. Maybe because Im lazy, procrastinate and slow be it in movement or mind. i felt so conscious of everyone in my life judging me I want to throw my self on not caring anymore. But I felt like Im a fake. I don't drink or smoke or even go outside too late I obey my parents even if they i keep being disappoint for not being like the good and successful kids. I felt often left out even if i like solitude. I even felt jealous to my cousin who can go anywhere bit then again my parents judge her. I don't think they knew me beyond that.