I don't even know... what exactly I'm feeling right now. Sometimes, life feels so bright, so optimistic, so good to live for. But then, moments later, everything becomes far too different. I don't feel like trying anymore, like the future is so uncertain with how f*ck up the world is right now. It's just hard to describe, I want to pursue my dream on one hand, but on the other, the efforts just seem... hopeless. I cry way too easy as well, sometimes because of the old bad memories coming back, sometimes because I hear someone saying something that touched my pain inside, and sometimes... out of nowhere. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I'm not suicidal, but if somehow the grim reaper comes and says I have to go, then perhaps, I can easily accept that. I'm not sure if I should go to therapy or not, cuz sometimes it feels like I'm just being dramatic, and it's all going to be fine in the end.