its gotten worse, i dont wanna be here anymore, i need help but asking for it fills me with dread, i dont want to procrastinate work, i dont want to cry over small things, i dont want to be like this, i want to be a normal friend, a normal sister, a normal daughter, a normal cousin, niece, granddaughter, or distant relative. i wanna disappear but i cant, my brothers need me, my friends love me i cant go i still have so much to do, exams to complete. but my parents make all of that seem meaningless, they shout and yell about my procrastination and my outbursts and make rules that feel like ultimatums, the underlying truth of how my life within their house is going to be, ive known nothing else my whole life and asking for help is pointless, because i know all roads lead back to rome and all roads lead back to my parents. so no, i will not reach out to school, or support networks or childline because i know they'll find out and be upset that i didnt trust them.