Part 3 I cried and starved myself for 2 days straight after that, I believed I had truly broken my mother’s heart, I fell asleep on the floor in a puddle of my own tears each time. my head was pounding, my limbs were aching and I was hungry, i couldn’t stop repeating her words LITERALLY out loud “you’ll never understand how much it breaks my heart” “you’ll never understand” and it made me cry more and more each time, and i didn’t get why she thought I didn’t understand, that was MY grandfather I had grown so attached to him, but that didn’t matter he was her father. Eventually I tried to say sorry to my mother, who was still mad at me but she did forgive me kind of. Now every once in a while I think about what she said “you’ll never understand how much it breaks my heart that they get to go and I don’t” it still hurts, and I’ll keep repeating it and crying like a freaking lunatic, but I guess I’ll never truly understand -LD