I've been having suicidal thoughts at 15. I've planned on different ways to commit, how I would do it, when I could, and what I'd do before. I dont know if I am just being an attention seeker (even if I would never actually tell this to anyone) or if I am being genuine with my thoughts. I've thought of breaking my devices before I do it, stuffing my bag with them before jumping off the bridge or snapping them clean before I take the knife with me to the bathroom. It feels really shitty to think about but somehow, they creep up on me. I've harmed before. Just scratches and pinches that leave marks. I've peeled my skin off before, just small enough to cause a blister. I do all of these but I think I am just faking it. I don't think I am actually ill or have a reason to do this. I am just lonely, I make myself miserable. I am actually fine this year (placing aside thoughts), but i find myself reminiscing the days I wasn't fine. Those days feel comfortable to me. This feels edgy.