I hate living so much. I don't think everything I lived through is a fair price to pay in order to just exist. I can't even exist in peace. my presence is insignificant to my peers and family but no matter what I do, I'll do something wrong that's worthy enough to be scorned or scolded at When they're independent enough from me, I'll disappear. It's already clear they see me as inferior to them anyway and not worth the time to invest in. They'll just think I ran away but I'll most likely be dead in the wilderness. They may need me, but that is only temporarily, They do not want me here like everyone else I plan on passing on, in my own terms, it's better than turning to cut myself for the relief it brings. I can't tell my boyfriend that he's the only reason why I'm still here. If he choose to leave me, then there's nothing stopping me from disappearing other than the obligation to take care of my siblings. Only when there's nothing left for me I'll go There is still time, I suppose.