I think I’m heartbroken or something. I love this guy who lives hundreds of miles away, I’m not afraid to use that word "love" if it explains why when I think of him my heart turns into a water balloon or why I feel my pupils dilate or why when I’ve been near him I’ve had this phantom feeling of holding his hand or leaning against him. Why when we’re hanging out and I feel his breath I can’t focus on anything else. It’s either love or obsession, I can’t tell. I wish I knew him more. I’ve only been around him physically ten days in total, but we used to call a lot more so I know him from that. I’ve felt like this since I met him last year, it’s just gotten stronger. Even more and more strong. I don’t want to lose him. I love him too much to want that. I fear too much I’ll never find love or a healthy relationship so a part of me tells me not even to bother with him. That he’s too far away to love, anyway.