major tw for sh it's so hard not to relapse. i dont have iamsober idk how long ive been clean or when i last relapsed i didnt log it. it's so fucking hard idk if i can do this. i dont talk to hardly anybody abt this shit but my boyfriend, but i feel like ive started to become a burden to him. its so hard, i feel so alone, i know he cares, but hes dealing with his own shit rn. and he probably wont even fucking care if i tell him "oh yeah i was really close to relapsing yesterday but i didnt." like who the fuck even cares about that. i feel so stupid. i want to relapse so bad but i also have my homecoming dance in less than 2 weeks and my dress already shows some of my scars, i cant have there be more. i dont want to relapse but i feel like i really need it. but at the same time, i dont want to disappoint anybody, especially my boyfriend. idek why im posting this to be honest i guess i just feel alone