I think the only kind of person I can truly love is someone who genuinely understands and knows me. Anyone else I find incredibly annoying and fake, even if they're a nice person. I just wish I could have someone in my life who truly knows me and someone I truly trust. And, I know I'm probably really toxic, but I want someone who won't try to "fix" me. Despite how much I utterly despise my pathetic existence, I do find the pain of being a sh addict, wanting to kms every day, and hating my spinning thoughts a little comforting, like my pain is finally valid. But, it's not valid enough, it will never be. I want someone who understands and knows me, and someone I can trust. But, I also want them to ruin me, to make me worse and worse until I finally satisfyingly snap and just kms already. I don't know if I can truly love anyone other than someone like this.