i'm a closteted trans (ftm) teen in a highly conservative household in a predominantly catholic and republican town. i moved here from another majorly christian right wing town only a few years ago. i'd be lying if i said it didn't hurt to be forced to lie about my identity, but it's something i've learnt to do for my own safety. i have told nobody. i am in love with my closest friend, have been for almost a year now. she is everything i want to be, and everything i'm not. we have made it somewhat clear a while ago that the feeling is reciprocal, but have chosen not to act on it for our own safety untill we leave this place. i love her so, so much. which is why it breaks my heart that i can never truly be with her. she is a lesbian and has made it clear she does NOT like men at all. so i am stuck in this purgatory of living in the cage that this body is or the hell that is being without her. i cry thinking about it. i don't know what to do anymore.