Im so lonely. I only care for characters but i'm in so many tiny or dead fandoms. All i want to do is talk about them or my own OCs. I've had one person who i really feel like saw my OCs but she disapears for months at a time. I feel silly saying this. I'm almost 21 and i feel like i'm 12 sometimes. I feel so scared. Will i be alone in my 40s? I can appear charismatic but when people get to know me, they stop talking to me because they only like when i'm making them laugh they pull back when i talk about anything seriously without jokes. And the few friends i do have, i feel so alien and disconnected even with them. I appreciate them but i feel like something's badly wrong with me. I need them to love what i love. I feel sick, i can't move or speak correctly. There's other worse things i've dealt with like child abuse and SA but rn this makes me the most sad. My chest hurts so bad and my eyes too from crying. Ive tried online, ive tried irl college clubs but nothing works