I'm so depressed, and it's something I can't shake. My meds aren't doing it anymore. I am so torn about about people leaving, not remembering me. It hurts. I want to kill myself, and when I die, experience being caried to a bed as a child, tucked in, and the door to remain cracked so that I can drift to sleep wiit the voices of those I love lingering. I don't want to do this anymore, so I'll be kind and pretend to be happy for everyone. So at least if I do die, they will remember me for my kindness