It felt so stupid being the topper in your school. I mean, yeah its good because I got the applause I want, the attention. But do you know it's hard to maintain? It's so hard to maintain a schedule and study, knowing the academic validation is worse than ever. The fear when your friends do a quiz better than you, when they know better than you, and the thought of them achieving better than you is haunting. I cry about Bs on my test. I know I am dramatic, but being good at academics is the only thing I am actually good at. Without it, I lost everything. Who am I known for if Im not known as the famous "topper" in my school? who am I if I wasn't smart? People would drag me down if Im useless. Nobody wants to be friend with someone like me. My parents would be so disappointed. But it felt so numb to start , it felt so stupid to feel like this. I felt so guilty admitting I was jealous even though I know I shouldn't. I wish I dont care, I wish Im not a burden and is actually popular.