I don't even know what it's like to masturbate on my own terms. I've been compulsively masturbating for over four years now. It's not pleasurable at all. I don't eat dinner because I'm too busy masturbating. I feel so shameful and out of control. It hurts. I wish I could stop, but I can't even control my own sexual urges. Like some filthy wild animal. I'm controlled by my own libido. It's so gross, gross, gross, gross.