idk if i even hate my older sis now, like our relationship got better but i stil can't forget all the things she did to me. Even tho i don't remember the action, i remember all the feelings. In the past i want to make her love me, later i give up and our relationship got worse , but now it feels better. Less argument than before, but she still didn't change, i can't seem to forget, cus that just gonna make younger me hurt. I think she will never feel guilty for all her actions, i know being an oldest child is hard but that doesn't mean she can hurt me, she could have hate our parent more ,rather than make her younger sis an emotional dumpster where you can put all your hatred on. I hate her, but i think my little me is happy cus this is what she want when she was young. My older sis still the same still making me feel like im nothing, but it's got better now. I still wanna die tho, so when i kms in the future i will def write that i hate her and make her feel guilty