i spent nearly a decade now in my room not doing anything with life, im constantly scared and anxious and i feel like im falling further and further down some rabbit hole, a few years ago i decided to be edgy to stop myself from crying every time i was close to crying and now no matter how miserable i feel i cant make myself cry, i cant stop feeling anxious about the smallest of things and all i end up doing is screaming it somwhere, a notebook or a note or literally when im alone and convicing myself im either doing something to help myself or that someones gonna hear or notice and help but nothing is helping and no one is helping, i no longer feel like im loosing it i feel like i lost it in this fucking room, if its clean no one cares if its covered in hair i ripped out of my own head as i used to beaceus of all this anxiety no one cares and they keep saying they care they keep talking about getting me help but evryone forgets in a day and i dont even know anymore if im just imaginin