i'm seventeen and have been struggling with addiction since i was about 12. it's mostly self harm that started around that age, but also more recently dph (stupid i know), nicotine, and adderall. i feel like i cant stay sober for longer than 24 hours because i just dont stop thinking about everything. i tend to spiral and get this kind of existential dread from thinking about getting older. i know that sounds stupid but i never planned on making it past 15 at most. i feel so lost and scared. the thought of going completely clean from my addictions scares me. i can't see myself living a life without self harm and getting high. it's all i know now. i was clean from sh for 3 months after getting caught at school, but i relapsed a few days ago and again the day after. i don't want my scars to fade and become white. my self harm had got to the point where i was harming myself so bad that i was reaching fat and muscle. this is a lot i'm sorry i don't have anyone else to talk to