I said i would rather never know my sister then have her here and go through cycles of hurt, but it is hard because it is good memories blurred with bad memories. i love her but i hate her at the same time. i don't wish her bad. i just dont want to be hurt by her again. i try to forget because she is my sister, im told im supposed to forgive her naturally even when she never apologises or even listens, she takes my feelings and me opening up as unserious and insults me whenever i talk about it or literally whenever im with her. she says things, she thinks its okay to say to me but its not. you dont ask someone why didnt i kms and then laugh the next minute and act like nothing happened between us. at least dont switch back in a second because it really disorients me, i cant choose whether i absouletly despise her and remember all the panic attacks and crying myself to sleep because of her or just the times she's been nice to me and times we've has a good time.