I don't want to be my parents golden child anymore. I just want to live for me and not my sick ideology of what my value is bc ik its wrong and yet I can't let go of it bc that's all I knew growing up. I feel like a failure before I do anything. I hate trying anything new bc if I do and im not good it right away I'm ashamed of myself bc ik my parents would want me to be the best. They always ask me that when I talk abt my classes "are you the top of the class?" "Who had the highest grade?" "Why not you?" "Did you even study?" "Try harder" I am trying my fucking best there's nothing else I can do. I'm so fucking tired and scared to fail. I can't even talk to my friends abt bc it happens so often and if I'm always venting they'll get tired of me bc I've seen them do it to others as well and I don't want that. My parents always tell me to bring honor to the family name and I feel like I can't do it and yet I have no other choice bc they are counting on me and I can't fail them.