I don't even know who I am anymore. Sometimes I feel like I could be a good person, then I go and do all these things that mirror the opposite -- it's like I'm just putting on this mask, so I don't ruin anything. So I don't make mistakes, so that I can always stand and this moral high horse. I don't counter what people say when I disagree with them, and I get scared when they don't agree with me even if it's over the smallest things. I push my only friend away because I get annoyed that he tries to spend time with me. I don't know. Who the fuck even am I? Then, there's the fact I'm average. Always will be. Some part of me knew ever since I was just a little toddler, because back then I never really had a dream. I never paid attention in school until it was too late. My life isn't going anywhere, and it never will -- because it feels like there's just this invisible wall there preventing me from achieving anything, like getting the body that I want. I'm too afraid to even kill myself.