I'm so unhappy with my life that I am afraid only one option is left for me. I don't know when I'll do it, but I have some plans on how. When I decide on a concrete plan I'm going to clear my things and finally get it over with. I've been waiting for so long, waiting to find something worth living for. I just can't do it, I cannot live like others can. I tried making the sheer academic pressure less of a burden by retaking the year instead, I tried using my phone less, I tried drowning myself in work, I tried walks, therapy, immersing myself in nature, social interaction. I am sick and tired of all the different options that do nothing to lift my mood or relieve my anxiety but only resort in me postponing my su!c!de. That's all they want, for me to just stay alive even if that means I am relentlessly suffering. I'm tired of being told su!c!de isn't the answer. I am being prescribed a medication soon, propanolol. I will use it to end my life.