I just got of of the mental hospital - I went into it feeling okay compared to how I feel now. After everything that happened, I feel empty. I struggle to grasp reality and still feel trapped inside that hospital. I have nightmares now. I do not want to go back out into the real world. I do not want to talk for a long time, and I do not want to do anything. I feel like I lost everything I wanted. I feel like I lost all hope, and I feel like I lost myself. I don't even know who I am anymore or who this person is inside my body. i don't even feel like a human that was so billeting and dehumanizing, i cant even look at previous videos or pictures of myself because i don't know who that person is like honestly, i have started blaming myself for everything that happened. Sometimes I think that maybe if I just stop talking, things won't get worse. Sometimes I think about going to sleep and never waking up. I went into UBC needing help. I left feeling significantly worse, traumatized.