everyday i have thoughts about how i want to go. and the funny thing is is that i am self aware about this. obviously i know depression is a mental disorder, but mixed w being self aware is worst maybe? Now i just think about it and pretend around everyone cause if they suspect something is wrong or whatever then i don't have my way out. and as weird as that is, i feel like im so up and down everyday. one day ill be like ok things arent so bad, then the next day im continuing to finish my plan ideas and all that. idk, i just really don't enjoy being here... and i don't talk to anyone about it because what i said lol. I do it to myself i know, but i still want my out if i need it. I gave myself a time range, starting from after a concert i went to, to the end of the year. so we'll see. things have gotten worst, so that's something....