im afraid that the main reason for me loving him is that loving him distracts me from all the things in my life that are wrong- falling behind on work, feeling tired and sad all the time, unable to socialise with people, isolating, growing apart from friends who are going off to college, and just tons of things i cry myself to sleep for almost everyday he doesnt know how miserable i actually am and i want to be better for him, for myself, but i dont know what the point of that would be if we cant even be together. i wish we could be together so i could at least have an immediate reason to try and make my life better for myself and for the people that i love. i really do think i love him though and all of this is very confusing
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