It's been going on for years. Again and again and again. I try so hard to be hopeful. To be kind to others. To be better than those who have wronged me and others in my life. And I've been waiting for something more. I know the world is suffering around me and others suffer around me too. But I feel like I'm just a person or an object in a sea of things that matter more. I've been told many times to get over it but it seems almost impossible. Sometimes it gets so hard to be awake that I just want to sleep forever. I know I can never say this to anyone I know because they wouldn't care. And why should they? They all have more important things to worry about then one single person. Its not like I've ever mattered in the long run and if I ever did it was to satisfy and fix others problems. Its probably the only saving purpose I have to wake up to in the morning. Sometimes I imagine what life would have been like if I wasn't born and sometimes I imagine everyone being happier.