Idk how to write this, my younger brother ended his life this year a few days after I stopped myself from doing it. We had a sh*t ton of plans together, dreams, and promises. I've known for years that it'd be me or him cause we were the black sheep of the fam. I keep thinking if I'd just gone and done it first would he have felt this love and stayed around? It's a stupid way of thinking. I know that, but it doesn't change that this is how I feel. Honestly every time I try to think of the future mine ended 4 yrs ago but cause of him I kept forcing myself to have dreams and goals I didn't even want. So tell me why he's gone now? I'm still in denial it's been months but every now and then I'll have something I want to talk about but no one to do it with because he was that person. I luckily got to thank him for being my brother, for loving me, and for being my friend before he passed. I can't forget that night. Worst part is I can't tell people, I don't want him remembered that way.