Sometimes I think about the person I would’ve been if I wasn’t raped at 15 and had my son at 16. I think about the person who did those horrible things to me! I wish I knew a better life…. The man took advantage of me knowing I had a horrible, abusive family and he won the lottery and got exactly what he wanted by knowing I had nobody!! I think about all the struggle I went through to provide for my son while I was still just a child. Sometimes I wish I would’ve took my life back then and I feel guilty because the thought still crosses my mind from time to time. I love my son with everything in me!! He’s literally my whole world. It just feels so draining and soul crushing because every time I look at him I see the man who raped me and I feel so disgusted with myself. My baby didn’t deserve this life and I’m trying to be the best mother I could be for him. But it’s soooo hard 😖💔