Here´s the thing, I have never felt emotionally sane, to be fair i have not gotten diagnosed either. But I do suspect I have been depressed before, now I have just adapted that soulless attitude, like most adults in life have, by not really giving a shit about anything. Sincerely do not care if I suddenly die, though I would only be concerned for my family. I dont think I have any significant impact on them emotionally anyway, they dont believe in depression, after all they didnt do shit when i was deep in it. What do you mean by what my biggest dreams are? The first and Last time I reached for a god, was to wish for the end to my life. Truly sounding like contradictions, but that is how it is, it is as if my brain, heart, soul are three different people, it is disgusting to deal with as well as tiring. Not to mention, I broke up with my ex recently and I have just been doing fuck all to forget the horrible things I have let pass. I am so disappointed in myself.