i just cant fuction. i want to seek help. but i cant. i feel like the only way someone would care and help me seek support is if they noticed me sh or if attempted to commit and it failed. i want to be alive. i want to FEEL alive. but i just cant. recently everyone, especially my family, has been pressuring me on my studies, making me feel like a failure, making me feel so flipping guilty. they look at me with such disgust and resentment. all because i used to be a straight a student and my mental health has just gotten so much worse, affecting my studies and everything. its so hard to get out of bed. i just want everything to just stop. its too loud and fast but too slow and lonely and i just want to cry, but ive always been told to be emotionally regulated and bury and bottle everything, so i can only feel apathy. i feel cold. i hate it. -A