I'm my biggest hurdle. I stop myself from doing fun things. I have pathological demand avoidance and it manifests like anxiety and panic attacks. Right before I'm about to do something fun or anything that I have intended to do for a while my brain gives me a panic attack until I'm unable to do anything. Then I regret not doing what I was meant to do and it eats me from the inside out. Yesterday was meant to do something really really incredible and not even an hour before I was meant to leave the panic attack came and I had to cancel. I had the earliest nights sleep I think I've had in over a year I slept for 16 hours. I had several bouts of sleep paralysis and night terrors, I think because I regret not going and my subconscious is really trying to work through how much I hate my demand avoidance. Plus I don't want to be a burden to my friends. I don't want to go into detail and unload onto them especially when I haven't known them that long. I just don't want to be a burden.