I hate that I don't understand love like im supposed to. I know the idea, meaning, and I think I feel it. love for me just feels like a black whole in my chest prob bc I don't know how or when to express it so I either don't at all or I do too much and loose connections. every time ive felt there was mutual love of any kind the sec i became difficult(for parents specifically) or needed smth they weren't there. so its been hard to belief someone could actually love me fully. i chase love but push it away its like everything is so close to what i need but still in a murky grey area where i dont know how to act. not to mention i alr express love weirdly. thats prob one reason why i love ivan from alnst sm heh.
frustration3 felt this