my girlfriend finds sex really important to her and i can’t reciprocate that. i don’t want to get into the details but i have a fair share of sexual trauma and it’s really fucked up my view of intimacy and sex. half of the time i only reciprocate to make her happy. it’s not that she pressures me, she’s so loving and always tells me to say no if i don’t feel like it. i just can’t. i don’t want to disappoint her because i know how much it matters to her. i know it’s bad. i just pray for it to be done every time and revert back to pretending like i did so many years ago. i always feel like i’m in danger when we do it. the worst part is that i don’t even feel like my trauma is valid. i don’t know why it still bothers me. i’m with someone who loves me now. i just keep reverting back to that scared, naive child.