i feel like i’m too miserable to have real friends. whenever i get close enough to tell them how i’m really feeling, it feels like they start pulling away, even if they say everything is fine. every time i feel like i’ve finally met someone who gets me, it ends up the same way. i can’t even blame them! i mean, i hate myself too. i get it. i’m excruciatingly annoying and whiny and clingy. it just hurts to feel like no one could possibly love or care about me, get my hopes up with every new person, then see every single one of them gradually confirm that fear. if i was more interesting, or more talented, or less sensitive, i’d actually be able to keep them around. but i’m not. there’s nothing good about me as a friend. i’m fun on the surface, when i’m not comfortable with you yet, but as soon as i get comfortable i’m unbearable. i must be. i just don’t know what to live for if everyone i want to be around has no reason to keep me there.