I was just staring at myself thinking until a huge wave of everything I’ve been holding in came down. I started having a panic attack and I just couldn’t stop until I stopped and just cried for idk how long but it felt like forever. I was planning on killing myself or harming myself heavily to where I wasn’t going to hide it. But after the cry I still didn’t feel better I didn’t feel good I still wanted to die I still wanted to harm myself. I always feel like I’m sad and idk how to let it out the only way solution is to harm myself I feel it’s my only option. I’ve been clean for so long cuz Ive been waiting, waiting for a time where I can hide it easily and no one would question me for wearing long sleeves or jackets to cover myself.