There is not a single thing about myself that I like, and not a single thing that I think anyone else would like. I am so lonely but I don't think I'll ever find a life partner. I was married before, I became a widow at the age of 32. My husband wasn't a bad person but he was emotionally distant/negligent. I have AuDHD, and am a super awkward, socially anxious, physically ugly woman who can't seem to find a way to connect with most people. Who wants to date a 38 year old widow/single mom with autism, ADHD, OCD and anxiety who can't even work anymore and who is stuck financially supporting her parents with the social security checks she gets because her husband died? I'm so certain I'm going to grow old and die alone and it makes me want to just end it now, though I can't. I'm afraid to die, and I have two young kids who need me. I can't stand being here. I fantasize about not being here anymore, or about being someone else entirely. Someone I like. Someone attractive, charismatic, etc.