my boyfriend and i were supposed to hang out today after not seeing him for like 2 weeks but he made a last minute decision to go to a party to network with ppl 400 miles away and i hate that its so hard to have my own hobbies and that i feel hurt that he makes this grand effort to see and interact with other people but not with me. he offered to see me for a bit when he came back home today but i genuinely just feel like hes going to be annoyed the whole time and want to go home to work and i just feel like i have bpd at this point? like i feel like i dont exist outside of my relationship or like if i do snything to make myself feel better its just like people telling me why dont u do something productive and its like i just feel so small and tiny defending myself and saying to otheres that me playing a game or me sewing and doing my hobbies is something productive but it just feels so dumb. i feel like i cant do anything without disappointing someone else or even myself