Fuck man, everything in life feels like it could go sideways. Im so afraid if opening up to my friends because I'm afraid they'll clown the hell out of me again and use it to make fun of me further. I feel ugly as hell I feel like no one would love me and I'm so afraid if trying to make a connection with someone in the fear they'll play with me and get me into my feelings. Im about to turn 18 and I don't know what the fuck to do with my life, a part of me wants someone to take my ass out before I make it to 18 so i don't have to worry about anything anymore or be a burden. But I don't want to hurt my momma since she already lost my brother and I don't want her to feel the pain of losing another kid. I hate seeing couples cuz I feel like I'll never have a connection to someone like that, I hate not being to take care of myself properly, I hate getting clowned on all the fucking time. I hate I keep getting mad at everything. I just hate myself in general. I wish this shit would end.