im so exhausted and i started scratching myself a lot it's smt ive done b4 but it was always really minimal but now its every day and i wanna make myself bleed but i hate pain and i also feel like a poser bc when im happy yeah i think about it still but i dont get the super strong urges and i feel so fucking fake for it ive also been struggling with food and my gf bc shes also struggling with stuff and i cant open up to anybody bc im so emotionally closed off and i have a good life, good school, good friends, good family, i have nothing to be sad about. yet eevery fucking day theres just a sadness that lingers so much. and i think about how sometimes it would be better if i just mever exsisted bc life is hard bruh i dont wanna kms but i hate this so much and i feel like my friends dont llike me as muvh as they used to and im so physically and mentally numb i cant even cry h8 this lmao