I hate my father and I wish I didn't. he's put so much religious trauma on me. Even though I've moved away from him i still see and hear him in everything: White cars, heavy footsteps, christian songs, ties, suits, churches, my phone he bought me years ago... he's everywhere and I don't want him to be. I'll panic when I'm wearing clothes he wouldn't let me wear (Like pants, since Pentecostal christian girls can't wear them) because I feel like he's going to yell at me despite not being here... I have no confidence because of him either... it's to the point where if he were gone i'd be happier but i still want my father you know? i loved when he wasn't mad, when he's play video games with me or cook with me, but that rarely happened anyway. why do i still hold on to those memories when they hurt me? I miss him, because I know he's already gone. And to my dad, I'm sorry i couldn't communicate how i felt sooner. I just hope you're at my funeral the day I die. --A