I’m so fucking stupid. So stupid. So fucking. I keep making my friend worry about me. The thing is I haven’t been myself for the past two weeks, I’ve honestly gone downhill. My own bf doesn’t even know. I’m struggling so much. It’s jst that I want to crawl into a hole and live there for ever and never come out. Sometimes I wish I was someone else. Who didn’t push people away, afraid of closeness. Afraid of everything. I wish I was normal. I wonder, how “normal” people do life everyday. I’m barely scraping by. My thoughts, my emotions. They consume me into I’m drowning. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t let it but then I let it, everytime I think I’m getting better, I’m getting worse. Day by day, night by night, week by week, month by month, year by year. This isn’t new to me. I’ve been dealing with it since I was 14/15. In 17 now. It’s like it’s stuck with me forever. I fucking hate this. So much. I just wish I could be normal. Not feel like this anymore. I’m sorry everyone. I’m sorry. I’m.