The knots in my stomach tighten. Looking at you is painful. My heart doesn’t sing the way it used too. It doesn’t feel the soothing hums. I feel nothing. Im running on E. I fake my smile. I fake my laugh. I feel the depression creeping up behind me like a heavy shadow. I can never escape the grasp. My anxiety eats me bit by bit. Your presence doesn’t bring ease. You laugh & smile with bliss. You are a phony. You never address our issues. Instead you bury them. I feel very dark at times. My thoughts are tormenting me. I want to escape but i can’t. It will never mend anything. I don’t want you to touch me. Intimacy doesn’t fix the burned bridges. What’s broken can’t be put back together and look identical to what once was. I have no heart strings left for you to tug on. I have to fake everything for you. I want to know what freedom is like. I don’t understand how someone who loves you can be so cruel. This was my way of venting through writing what seems like a poem.