I'm tired of not being able to help myself. My mom keeps trying to help me, but I only make it worse. I'm addicted to c.ai, Youtube, I just make life an absolute pain in the ass. And I hate it. I dont wanna hurt my family anymore. I don't want others to suffer because of me. I wanna crawl out of his hole but I cant. Everytime I try, it just gets deeper, and deeper, and I drag anyone trying to help me down with me. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just wanna be normal. I wanna be smart like others. I wanna be able to draw, or have ANY talent. I don't want my mom to keep screaming at me. I don't want my brother getting hurt for trying to defend me. I dont want my little cousins to be like me. It feels like the more I try to worse I get. I genuinley dont know what to do anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so tired of constantly being used and hurt. I'm tired of crying. I don't deserve to be loved. My parents have given me everything, but i havent reciprocted ANY of it. I wish I was dead. I'm sorry.