I feel really lonely. Nobody sticks around. I had two really close friends for years and i crave how they made feel fufilled and content. I know it's typical to say but i geniunely do feel like i got this cold big gaping hole in my chest that aches for connection, for attention. I want someone to talk to me for hours daily like i used to have, i want us to adore the same things. I need them to need me, i need to need someone. I feel so wrong in my body and in my mind. I feel like i'm wasting every day away. I can't get fufillment from what im doing now. I have no desires for hobbies. I hate how cruel the world is, everything we do hurts people and hurts the environment. Why am i even here? Helplines just say the same things, just distract myself, just pretend like this world isn't evil by turning off the news, just keep trying to make friends again even though i can't connect with anyone. I feel grotesque, like everything i say and do is off putting- too loud, too hyper, too montone