Even when everything is going well and I'm happy, I'm still using porn to cope and keep it that way. I don't go a single day without thinking about it. most days I give in even if I'm not aroused at all. I just have nothing else to do except play videogames, which have started to feel boring. I only really feel motivated when I get to do something with other people, but other people are busy or live a state away. I should get a job, but applications and phone calls make me freak out, and interviews are worse. I'm far from suicidal, but I dont feel like I'm living. I do feel like maybe death would be better because at least then I wouldnt be actively wasting my life.
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